Modern dating can feel like a game, but what happens when you’re not even sure if you’re playing? If you’ve ever felt like you’re kept around but never prioritized, you might be experiencing benching in dating. Let’s dive into what benching in a relationship means, why it happens, and how to handle it.
What is Benching in Dating?
Benching in dating is when someone keeps you as an option but never fully commits. Instead of pursuing a serious relationship, they keep you on the sidelines, engaging just enough to maintain interest but not enough to move forward. It’s similar to breadcrumbing, where a person drops hints of affection but never delivers real commitment.
💡 Fact: Studies on modern dating behaviors suggest that digital communication has made benching more common, as people keep multiple options open.
Signs You’re Being Benched
- They take days or weeks to reply to your messages.
- You make plans, but they constantly cancel or reschedule.
- They show interest when bored or lonely but disappear when you need them.
- You feel like you’re never a priority in their life.
- They keep you emotionally hooked but never define the relationship.
💡 Fact: Research from The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships highlights that emotional inconsistency in dating can lead to higher stress and lower self-esteem.
Why Do People Bench Others in Relationships?
People engage in benching in dating for different reasons, some intentional and others subconscious. Here are some of the most common motivations:
- Fear of Commitment – They enjoy the connection but aren’t ready for something serious.
- Keeping Options Open – They don’t want to lose you but also explore other people.
- Emotional Validation – They like the attention and comfort of knowing someone is there.
- Avoiding Loneliness – They turn to you when they need company, but it’s never consistent.
If you’re struggling with trust issues in relationships, benching in dating isn’t the only modern dating challenge. You also need to know how to handle dating someone who is friends with your ex and set healthy boundaries.
How to Handle Benching in Dating?
If you suspect you’re experiencing benching in dating, here’s how you can take control:
1️⃣ Recognize the Signs
If their actions don’t match their words, pay attention. It’s time to question their intentions if they always leave you waiting.
2️⃣ Communicate Clearly
Ask them directly where things are going. A serious partner will clarify, while a bencher will avoid the conversation.
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Don’t let someone keep you as an option. If they can’t commit, walk away and focus on people who value you.
4️⃣ Prioritize Yourself
Your time and energy are valuable. Redirect your focus to people who genuinely invest in you rather than waiting for someone who won’t.
Benching in Dating vs. Ghosting: What’s the Difference?
Many confuse benching in relationship/ dating with ghosting, but they are different:
- Ghosting: The person completely disappears, ignoring all messages and cutting contact.
- Benching in dating: They keep you in their life just enough to keep you interested but never enough to move forward.
The lack of emotional investment can be frustrating and hurtful in both cases.
💡 Fact: Relationship experts at The Guardian note that while ghosting provides abrupt closure, benching in dating prolongs emotional uncertainty, making it harder to move on.
Final Thoughts: Should You Stay or Walk Away during Benching in Dating?
If someone is benching in dating, ask yourself: Do I deserve to be treated like an afterthought? The answer is no. A healthy relationship is built on mutual effort, communication, and respect. If they aren’t giving you that, it’s time to move forward and invest in yourself.
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FAQ’s
1. What is benching in dating?
Benching in dating refers to keeping a romantic prospect on hold—maintaining minimal contact without committing—essentially keeping them as a backup option.
2. How can you tell if you’re being benched in a relationship?
Signs that you’re being benched in a relationship include irregular communication, last-minute plans, and a lack of commitment or progression.
3. Why do people bench others in dating?
Individuals may engage in benching in dating due to fear of commitment, desire to keep options open, or uncertainty about their feelings toward the person they’re benching.
4. Is benching worse than ghosting?
While both are detrimental, some consider benching in dating worse than ghosting because it prolongs uncertainty and emotional ambiguity, whereas ghosting provides a clear, albeit abrupt, end.
5. How should you respond if you’re being benched?
If you suspect you’re being benched in dating, it’s advisable to communicate openly about your expectations and be prepared to move on if the other person isn’t willing to commit.
